Food FIght

I hate changing my eating habits. It makes me sleepy and icky. But I have to fix my bad habits, and no one ever said it was easy.

I have come into the bad habit of eating 2 huge meals a day. With my tiny tummy and my IBS this is a bad bad idea. It didn't help that these 2 big meals tend to be high fat very unhealthy meals.

So I've started trimming it down to 6 small meals. I'm on day 2. In the morning I feel great. Much better then I used to since I actually eat something right when I get up. But by the evening I feel pretty crappy since I don't have the big 2pm boost I'm used to.

I guess I'll just have to get used to it. I'll feel better after super.

Though now that I look at it, even with an evening snack I'm only getting 5 meals in (breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, snack) I guess I have to bump up 1st snack and lunch and add another snack.

I'm sure once I tweak everything I'll feel much better.

... I dont feel like I am strong enough ...

It's been a really really long time since I last blogged.

It's really hard to put into words why it's been so long. I kind fell apart inside after I wrote that essay for Aunti. I put a lot of my heart into that essay. My soul was in those scant few sheets of paper. I left myself wide open.

And of course I got my heart ripped out again. I should have seen it comming a mile away. It always happens when I seek acceptance. I don't even know if she read the damned thing. I know if she did it didn't make a lick of a difference.

She still is scared of what I am. I'm still the big scary misguided Pagan. Bah! Who needs that BS? It's a free country! I can worship a snowman if I see it fit.

And it took me a long time to realize, after a long rant about ethics in class (yeah I finally got the courage to start taking a class on Wicca. Yeah me!) that as we are admonished not the screw with other people's karma, that my own karma had been screwed with. I was all depressed and mopey. I had started disliking Christians becuase I thought they would all deep down be like her. And I really really started turning inward again.

And I thought to myself, this is not me! This is not the Sabriel who happily went to Catholic school for 4 years (something that didn't count as looking into Christianity to Aunti 0.o) This is not the Sabriel who couldn't care less about what other people go home and worship. The Sabriel who wanted equal rights for all.

So now I'm taking one gaint step back. I changed my MSN account (just the sight of her on MSN avoiding me made me grit my teeth) and I'm now trying to piece my life back together to what it was before this whole big mess.

Now it wasn't all darkness and horrors. I did start class, I've been going to weekly rituals offered by the local Wiccan temple and I've gotten into a good habit of meditating/grounding and reading my cards lately. Or at the very least I try to keep up the last development o.0

I think I just needed this time to get the negativity out of my system. To let it run it's course so I could let go. I needed to reinvent myself again.

So now I'm back. A little better. A little wiser. And quite a bit more cynical.
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In other news...

I got a new job! No more soul sucking phone crap. I now work at a local salon once a week, fetching coffee, cleaning the place and just plain learning how to be fashionable. I'm having lots of fun wroking there, and I learn tons evertime I go.
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Let me know what ya'll think of the new style of icons. I'm not sure of the credits for these 2 images. I found them on google. They are pretty common I think.